he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
