just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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