Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
