She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
