two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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