I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize