Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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