i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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