So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
