my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
