24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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