Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
