THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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