Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
