You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bring me that man meat
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
