Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
