it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Who wears a wallet chain?!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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