we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
