somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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