A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
