I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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