i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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