weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
