a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
