In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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