The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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