I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
