Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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