i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
