I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
