how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
