Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
