we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
