Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
