you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize