At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
