yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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