just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
