In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
