I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
