well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I just sharted jello shots
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