yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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