Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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