I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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