So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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