I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
