you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
