i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
