you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize