he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
