You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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