Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
