sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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