Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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