FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
