I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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