Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
