Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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