Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
