Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
