He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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