It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
