you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize