i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it glows. i had to have it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
