I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
