I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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