it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need to stop coming to work sober
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
